Wednesday, January 11, 2017

The Healing Kind

      Today, I want to take the time to tell you something I don't share with a lot of people.
To you, it may seem like its not a big deal. To me, it has been everything. It's held me captive for many, many years. How's that for an opening paragraph? I am hoping you're hooked now.

     Sometime around my tenth year of life, I realized I was different. I have really sweaty hands and feet--a condition that comes and goes. Sometimes, I have an "episode" for several days, lots of sweat then nothing, and this cycle continues on and on to this day, and even, probably for the rest of my life (I'll come back to this later). You can imagine how this plays out for me as I got older and realized no, this isn't normal. Others' hands don't sweat like mine do. And my reaction was to hide my condition because of my impending embarrassment in any social situations--at church, school, and with friends. Christians love holding hands during prayer time. Can't tell you how many times I have wanted to run out of the room when I heard the words, "Let's join hands across the aisles."
 However, as I got older, it was hard to hide. I dreaded dances in high school, as well as handshakes, high fives, or hand holding. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. How awful is it to dread human touch? In my hiding, I started to retreat socially too. In high school, I was very anti-social. I felt so different from everyone else. And I asked the Lord, why? I wanted to be someone else. Anyone else.

      The condition I have is called Hyperhidrosis, effecting about 1% of the population. Mine is specifically plantar and palmar, however, there are other areas people have it. I once saw a documentary where the woman had hyperdirosis on her neck and for her it was constant so her hair was always damp with sweat. I felt for her; I really did. There is no known cure but research is being done. From what I understand, you can get Botox injected into the problem areas but you have to get many shots at once, which is painful and expensive and only lasts a few months. The other treatment is shock therapy. Yes, SHOCK THERAPY. They say that this condition is hereditary although I don't know anyone else in my family who has it to the extent that I do. So, I wonder about that.

      Over the years, I thought I'd come to terms with my condition, but I realized it was changing my view of myself and how others felt about me. They will never love me because I'm different, I thought. I will never get married, because who would want to marry someone like this? Obviously, these were all lies. Every single one. But for a long time, as I became a woman and was discovering my place in this world, I believed these lies. Sadly, I didn't even realize it for a long time, being that it was something buried so deep within me. The Lord was wanting to dig it out and bring it into the light--as He does with anything that is toxic to His love for us and the love for ourselves and others.

    Healing wasn't even on my radar really. I grew up in a Baptist church and so I read things like "God is my healer" in my Bible and went on thinking, if God wanted to heal me then He will, and I left it at that. I had belief but had not thought to ask, nor did I think it was important to the Lord, my Father. Something I learned I was very, very wrong about too.

    My best friends, Kevin and Adrienne, and my close friend, Melissa, played a big part in my view changing. Melissa spoke to me casually several times of the Lord healing her of certain things. Kevin and Adrienne believed in healing for their daughter, Naomi, a beautiful child born with many complications. Then, one day, I was in my bedroom and God spoke to me, not audibly, but quietly in my heart, like a gentle nudging in my spirit. Why haven't you asked me for healing? And I didn't even have a response. His voice wasn't condescending or even judgmental. It was just a simple question. Why hadn't I asked the Lord for this? The answer was: It never occurred to me do that.

  Here my journey began and from that day forward I have fully committed myself to seeking healing. At the time, I didn't realize the extent healing would come to mean for my life, the things the Lord would uncover, the people He would put on my path. I met a woman at my church who did inner healing sessions that Adrienne recommended I talk to. I met with her many times. The Lord was litghtening my load, one session at a time. I also went to a healing class at my church with my friends and learned how encouraging to my spirit it was to pray healing for others. I always left that class feeling light as a feather and so encouraged.

The Lord wants healing for all. It is His heart, and He has asked me to share this with you. So, I hope as you're reading this, God is leading you to a path of healing because I believe we all need to unpack the heavy loads we carry around with us. Let Him help you.

"So I say to you, ask and keep on asking, and it will be given to you; seek and keep on seeking, and you will find; knock and keep on kocking and the door will be opened to you." Luke 11:9 AMP

I am still seeking and knocking, waiting on the Lord to heal me physically but there have been so many treasures I have found along the way


Sunday, August 7, 2016

I am New Here

Outfit details - olive sweater - Old Navy, sale about $4, black V-front tank - Old Navy $2 sale, black sports bra with cross front - borrowed from sis but she told me it's from a local store here called Gabe's, black high waist skinnies - Old Navy sale $18, black western belt - Urban Outfitters $29, sandals - Urban Outfitters $40 gift

      The truth is, I never thought I'd move from Tulsa. Come to find out, my plans and God's plans rarely line up. So I am officially living in Knoxville, TN. I've been here for about a month and I've already gone through a broad range of emotions. Sometimes I can feel numb for a while after big life changes and I will slowly process things. NOT this time. Let me recap for you.

First week - joy and excitement. I even felt invincible like Superman. 

Second week - reality sunk in. What am I doing here? Am I insane? This will never work.

Third week - home sick. I miss my mom, I miss my friends. I even miss Quiktrip. There aren't any of those here! How will I survive?

     This past week - I've been settling in more. I got to spend some alone time with my sister and visit with grandparents who are nearby. I'm starting to see why God has led me here, if vaguely. I am still lonely and missing my dearest friends in OK (let's be real, they're the coolest and most genuine folks. it will be hard to find new friends who even come close). 

      I've faced enough resistance to this decision, mostly from myself and from the enemy. But I know God will show up, because when we take chances, He will not leave us hanging. God is a God of his word. And he might ask you to do things that are risky--actually, it's pretty much guaranteed--look at Noah and Moses and any number of others. But He always shows up. 

    Do I know what I am doing here? No, not yet. Maybe that's not for me to figure out, maybe my job is simply to trust. And it certainly takes a lot of the pressure off myself. I can deal with that. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

When He Calls You

Outfit details: Black long sleeve button-down - gift; black leather moto jacket - forever21, around $30; black/pattern running leggings - gift (American Eagle); black New Balance tennies - New Balance Outlet, around $40

When the Father calls you, you must go. But what if you face anxiety and worry along the way? I know it's a sin. I know it deep down in my soul that I should leap without looking back, without wondering what comes next. I admit, it's terrifying and exciting at the same time. Yet, He commands me not to worry. He says it's useless. So why can't I stop?

I feel like worrying is the adult thing to do. That's a lie. I'm facing the future and there's a big question mark ahead, yet I'm in the Father's hands. He will make a way. He lights my path.
Prayer is the only answer. I'm trying to replace my worries with prayer--nonstop prayer from my lips with thanksgiving. The Lord has been so good to me. 

So, all this to say, He is teaching me how to be brave, how to face the unknown, because God is good. He is SO GOOD!

Stay tuned for more on this subject...


Saturday, February 20, 2016

Back in Black

 (Outfit details: black sweater - Old Navy, gift; Black Undershirt - 
Target $12; Black  skinny jeans - Ross, gift; 3 tier necklace - Macy's, 
sale $18; Black Dr. Martens - Journeys $90; sunglasses - Old Navy, around 
$14; dark lipstick - Milani in Matte Fearless bought at CVS $6)

As it appears, my love for an all black wardrobe continues. I. Can't. Get. Enough. 
Only having the one color option makes my life easier. I still don't know why I like it so much, but I do. No shame here.

What outfit trends are you all into these days? 

Me + the girls trying on the Milani lipstick


Saturday, September 19, 2015

This is a Hair Blog Too

I thought I'd use this post to talk about hairstyle. It is no surprise that I like effortless hair that doesn't take much time to style. I prefer air dried hair to a blow dry--which personally makes mine softer and more manageable since I have thick, corse hair--and prefer waves to straightened hair. Sometimes, I don't even brush it (shocker!) Nor do I like to use much product. Lately, I have only used a shine serum for the ends. 

It's taken me quite a long time, much patience, and a will not to cut it all off, since the moment I decided I would grow my hair out. Remember when MtO went and shaved half of the hair on her head?? Well, I am still, still, trying to recover from that. It's been ages since I let my hair touch my shoulders, let alone progress beyond my shoulder blades. It's getting there but I still drool over short hair cuts.

I felt something on the top of my back the other day, lightly brushing me and I was startled. Then thought, oh yeah, that's my hair! How crazy is it that I'd forgotten what the sensation felt like. 

 These past few months, I've been diggin' the dramatic side part. Sometimes I'll pin the smaller side down right above my ear. I've seen the look around on Pinterest and looooove it! 

What hair crushes do my readers have?? Do tell. What style tips would you like to share with us? What products?


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

For All You Introverts Out There

(Outfit details: black polka dot button down - Old Navy, gift; high-waisted cut off 
denim shorts - gap, around $12 sale; gladiator sandals - Target, $30; 
necklace - Michael's, old; bracelet - Gap, around $5 sale;
Sunglasses - 12 euros, bought at outdoor vendor in Paris)

        I am a huge introvert!  

This is no surprise to some of you. I could entertain myself for hours and hours completely alone. My favorite things to do are things to be done alone: reading, writing, painting, and listening to music.

Lately, I've been majorly introverting more than usual. And let me tell you, I'm getting a whole lot of reading done, listening to some good tunes and, well, just really growing comfortable with being at home. 

I used to think that being an introvert wasn't okay, but I've learned I really need that time to recharge. Otherwise I really stress out! It's my way of processing and allowing myself time to anticipate what comes next. 

I've been praying big prayers lately! I have yet to see the outcome, but I know God is working on my behalf and growing me in the process. Maybe this sense of what's to come is making me slow down because I won't be able to later? I don't know. I have hope though, and I won't let go of it. 

What ways do you all like to recharge?